Gary Hart for President

Hey, why not? I was a Rockin'-25 in 1984, and I thought Ronald Reagan was a serious asshole. But having witnessed the current squatter, this utter abomination in cowboy boots and rictus personality barking banalities like "They Hate Us for Our Freedom's on the March!" or "It's Hawrd Werk!", why I get positively all sniffily over the Gippah! And now that the erstwhile Senator from Colorado came out with this, I thought, "Well awwwright!!"

Lookey here: the way Hillary and Biden and Bayh are going, I figure I'll be a-going too -- to Europe that is, 'cause there ain't NO WAY I'm playing ball with these ankle-grabbing DLC drones. They are the Pod People... ! They're sell-outs... !! Watch to see how quickly they roll over for John Roberts next week. Biden's already a steaming sample unfit for the cat's box, what with his steerage of the Bankruptcy Bill and enthusiasm for CAFTA. What a prick!

"Bayh!!" says you?

"Bye!!" says I.

Right now, I figure the choice is Feingold, although he's starting to give me the heebeejeebees with his 6-of-1/half-dozen-of-another over John Roberts.

And if not Feingold, why not Gary Hart? Ok, probably not. He's been a litte too chewed-up by the scandal mill and by time, losing too much of the luster he once had. Ach, the ignominy of getting punked by Walter Mondale. And that was before Donna Rice.

Al Gore... ? Hmm... Lately, he's been every bit the firebrand we always knew he could be ever since he bitch-slapped William Buckley, the moderator, over SDI at the '88 primary debates. He's acknowledged his 2000 campaign lacked the courage of his convictions, and that he never should have listened to the neutered inside-the-beltway campaign consultants (I mean, Warren Christopher... ?? To run the fight in Florida post election day... ?? What, Barney Fife wasn't available... ?? At least he kept a bullet in his shirt pocket.) -- and he still WON the thing. And lately he's been ramping up the rhetoric on Iraq and Global Warming.

The perfect parallel, of course, is 1960 loser and VP Dick Nixon. He skipped an election cycle in '64 (well actually he lost again, to Pat Brown in the California Senate race) and came back to win it in '68. So why not Gore? The timing seems to be perfect, especially since the current crop of enablers cannot seem to learn from John Kerry's meltdown.

Just keep those frickin' inbred DLCers out.