Chris Dodd must tell the religious right to take their abstinence programs and go back to Hymentown.
John Edwards must be caught hiring an illegal alien to wash his hair.
Sam Brownback must be caught having sex with his wife that is not for procreational purposes.
Hillary Clinton must mispronounce South Carolina "Mouth Vagina."
Barack Obama must tell people he's, quote, "bigger than Jesus."
Rudy Giuliani has to declare at a press conference that he's cheating on his wife, but it's ok because he's undergoing cancer treatment and he can't get an erection anyway. He did?
John McCain must be caught with a Filipino bar girl with an Adam's apple.