Warning: Read While Not Eating!

I just spent twenty minutes coughing up remnants of inhaled mastication, courtesy of the Onion:

Baby Panda Names

• Overgrown Bamboo-Eating Raccoon-Looking Motherfucker...
• Favrey, the Green Bay Zoo's first panda...
• Remorseless Slaughtering Machine Jr...
• Rodney Endangeredfield...
• Zoo Fundraising Tool The Third...
• Joe Mantegna The Panda...