Count Me In

My brother the lawyer, thinking of his family's best interests, has forwarded this bit of paperwork:

New Living Will Form

I, ___________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if THEIR lives depended on it. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for (please initial all that apply):

____ a Bloody Mary,
____ a Margarita,
____ a beer,
____ a steak,
____ lobster or crab legs,
____ the remote control,
____ a bowl of ice cream,
____ a vodka tonic,
____ chocolate,
____ sex, it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

Under no circumstances shall the members of any Legislature enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery.

It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own business and instead, pay attention to the future of the millions of Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.

Signature: ________________________

Date: ________________________

Witness: ________________________